Honestly, I love cats more than people. They don't look at the fact how I'm dressed, what my opinions are in life, that I'm not the most happy person in this world. When I'm home I get their love, how stubborn they sometimes can be. When I'm sick, they're coming to me. And when I'm crying they're the first who give me attention and love. Yes, I love my cats, sadly I lost a lot the last years.
I didn't even ever have a boyfriend. I'm not ashamed of it, just sad about. I find love something very beautiful, and I would do everything for the guy I will love. I'm traditional, I want to marry, have kids,... For being alone all those years I'm actually a romanticus. But maybe that's also because I don't know better.
I miss going on vacation. We did so every year, to campings or some citytrips during the year. Last time I was gone, was to Paris in october. But it was so short that I didn't feel like a vacation. And ofcourse, I want nice weather, go drink something on a terrace or eat an icecream. I'm also still thinking about going to the USA, LA or New York. It would be for my modelling, in the hope I have more chances there. But I don't want to go alone.
I'm really a lonely person. When I say that, people always think I'm overreacting, that I do have friends, but don't see it. But honestly, would I be that much busy with my blog and modelling if I had friends? I didn't have friends in school, they ignored me or bullied me for my religion, my clothing style, the fact I had good results on tests,... I did have some friends, but they all left me and went to another school. When they had new friends and even a boyfriend they forgot me fast.
I also went to danceschools, art academy, drama school,.. but they placed me always in the groups from much younger kids, because I was new. And now in the lessons in Fashion and Theatercostumes, there are mostly 50+ women. So I'm not really getting a chance to meet new people. I hope with participating on Miss Belgium that will change.
I stay up for houres, I'm not into sleeping because my mind is full of thoughts. But once I'm sleeping I sleep till very late. I know it's not healthy, but I'm not sick, I still know what I'm doing. I just love the night more that the day.
As child I even had private lessons, so I could swim good. But it didn't help me to be not scared of water. I don't dare to go under, even splashing water in my face scares me.
I grew up with Harry Potter. He went to Hogwards when I was almost going to the high school. When the last movie from Harry Potter was in the bioscope, it was my last summer before the college school. It has a meaning in my life, it's a part of my youth. And when I was alone at school, I could read the books.
As I said, I'm very alone. So those holidays are really not my favorite periods. The last years with Christmas and New Year I was always dissapointed because some people didn't show up. Last year I decided to not message anyone with New Year. Guess what, almost noone messaged me instead, while I did it every year.
Last year I finally followed those driving lessons with a school. Now I can drive alone, but I don't have a car ofcourse. My mom can help me, but she needs the car everyday, and when she's home, I'm gone. But it's really important I learn to drive on my own and pass my exams!
I have the idea this is a very negative TAG. This one is just very simple. I find myself a very ugly person. I can say about every part of my body something wrong. I only like to watch myself when I'm on pictures from fashionshoots, when the light is good, the make-up is done, and with the right pose.
I did have best friends before. Mostly the only person who wanted to talk with me and do things together. But since I broke the contact with my last best friend, I'm without one now. Other "friends" I had mostly just contacted me when they were alone or to complain about everthing in their life.
Finally a positive one! Before I started loving Within Temptation I already knew the music from Evanescence. My parents had the cd Fallen, but I didn't have an idea what for kind of band it was. When I learned more to use google I saw who Amy Lee was and loved her style immediately. First I was not very into their last album, but now I got used to it, I really love the songs.
I just act so different than most of my age. I really have another view about life, about friendships, relations,.. Maybe I'm just born in the wrong period. Or I just don't know what it is that makes me so apart.
I want to be someone, I want to do something in this life that people will talk about it. That they don't only see me as the "wannabe goth" who has no friends. I want to shine as a model, I want to grow in my fashiondesigns. Get attention, attention I never had in school.
I have to much negative thoughts. And that's not good. That's why I need to be with people, to have things to do soon. Because being home allday, alone, isn't good for me.
Help mij met mijn deelname aan Miss West-Vlaanderen voor Miss België! Sms "MWV 05" naar 6665 (Enkel voor Belgen - 1euro/sms - mag meerdere keren)